growing up

(another myspace bulletin -- I write under stress *g*)

I don't remember exactly when it happened, but at some point in the last few years, I changed from the person who always tried to be someone that my dad would be proud of, to trying to be the kind of person I hope my children will turn out to be.

My dad's been gone since '92 but we still "talk" and I check in to make sure I'm on the right track. I know as recently as last summer I was still calling in favors, asking if he could put a good word in for me and chase off the rain at least long enough for my outdoor wedding.

Now that the kids are starting to turn into real people, I realize that the last place they will admit to looking for guidance on how to find their place in the world is their parents, but they are watching me all the same. Life as we know it has changed much in the past four months, and I can't just be the "silly" one anymore; I have to be the silly one AND the serious one. I have to be the firm one AND the flexible one. Oh Em Gee -- I have to set a good example.

I'm doing the best I can. As I told them, I can't guarantee that I won't make wrong choices, that seem good at the time. Only that I will learn from it, and always make the choice that is not necessarily the easy one or the popular one, but the choice that seems to be in their best interests.

Recently, on a message board aimed at parenting difficult children, there was a post about what we like best about our challenging kids. There was no lack of praise for even the most defiant, stubborn and impulsive child among them.

My children (all of them) are the best and most important thing I will ever be responsible for having a role in creating, raising and advising, loving and setting free. If you think about it, why else are we even here? We cannot live forever -- we raise the next generation and move on. We are shaping the future of the world, one life at a time.

One day, I hope my child looks back and realizes that they have tried to live a life I would be proud of. One day, I hope they try to be the people that they want their children to become. Only then, will I feel like I have fulfilled my place in this world.